Our culture tells us lots of stories about love:
- Once upon a time…
- At first sight…
- Soulmate. You complete me…
- Happily ever after…
The list goes on and the results are predictable. Unrealistic expectations have a way of creating confusion and/or resentment. A reality-based perception of romantic connections teaches us that a) compatibility is fluid and b) healthy relationships require diligent work. Without this perception, any bond can weaken. Want some good news? Well, with more reality and diligent work, you can get your love back.
It’s Not Just Your Love
As mentioned above, we are all subject to outside influence. Pop culture tropes can guide anyone into some questionable relationship behaviors. Societal factors aside, it’s also quite normal for every couple to experience lulls. No connection can remain static. By definition, this sets up in-between time periods during which new patterns begin to take form. During those periods, you may find yourself asking: “Where did the love go?”
Where Your Love Went
Now that the big picture, abstract reasoning behind lost love has been discussed, what about the nuts and bolts? To follow are some of the many reasons why committed partners can feel like the love is gone.
Without this foundational element, any relationship is at risk. Pro tip: Texting will not replace face-to-face conversations.
Decrease in Effort
The honeymoon is over. The flame has dimmed a bit. In other words, the situation is ripe for one or both partners to unconsciously take the other for granted. A relationship is a process, not a destination. The work never ends.
It can be something as major as infidelity. But trust is more frequently built on basic, day-to-day interactions. Lies and broken promises add up to take a mighty toll. In many cases, this scenario requires professional mediation (see below).
You are two individuals on two individual paths. Unless you honor each other’s evolution, you may grow in divergent, contrary directions.
5 Ways to Get Your Love Back
1. Don’t Hit the Panic Button
You’ve reached an important yet daunting fork in the road. That is not a good reason to go into emergency mode. Stay calm, patient, and focused on the big picture.
2. Reimagine Intimacy
Intimacy is more than your sex life. It’s like a form of glue, holding you two together when other aspects of your connection are under strain. Find ways to introduce intimate interactions into your daily life.
3. Develop Independent Lives
If the relationship is healthy, one person is not seen as “everything” to and for another person. Cultivate your own personal interests and social life
4. Learn How to Apologize and Forgive
Forgiveness is a requirement in any long-term connection. Just as critical, both of you must understand the importance of an authentic apology. Own up, hold yourself accountable, show remorse, and commit to never doing it again.
5. Commit to Communication
Unhealthy communication always threatens your bond. Thankfully, the reverse is true. Making a commit to evolving and productive communication is the strongest bulwark against separation. Step away from your devices and reconnect in a direct way.
Find a Safe Space to Rediscover Your Love
It isn’t as if you and your partner woke up one morning and the love was instantly gone. This process develops slowly. By the time you catch on, some dysfunctional patterns have taken root. Unraveling the issues may require more than self-help. This sounds like a job for couples counseling.
Meeting regularly with a skilled guide is a recipe for exploration, greater awareness, improved communication, and new ideas. Please call me soon for a consultation. With some help, it can be much, much easier to get your love back.