Coming together in any sort of healthy, lasting way following an infidelity or significant betrayal is really tough for any relationship. But it can be done.
Believe it or not, your relationship can come through the turmoil reinforced and growing in resilience and perseverance every year afterward. Staying strong and staying together definitely takes work and support. Here are 7 ways you and your partner can recover well:
- Call on your most trusted people.The emotions, shock, and practical concerns that accompany such a difficult period deserve all the support they can get. Resources, expertise, and guidance are vital at this point. Working with a therapist trained in couples counseling is so important. Be sure to seek the encouragement and support of non-judgmental friends and family too.
- Face the truth and go slow.Betrayal is hard on love. That’s the truth. But it doesn’t have to define your relationship forever. Infidelity is a sign that something is broken between you. Lasting recovery happens best if you make a concerted effort not to indulge in denial. Then, intentionally and purposefully move forward.
- Accept reality and commit to change.Truly deal with the emotional impact of the affair or affairs. Your anger, hurt, humiliation, and grief are real. So are shame, blame, embarrassment, and regret. Working together through emotional pain and discomfort will speak to your mutual commitment and help solidify a stronger relationship foundation.
- Prize honesty and transparency.Make your mantra, “Full disclosure.” Deception disrespects your partner and your hard work of recovery. Tell each other the truth. It is the loving thing to do. Willingness to share information, however difficult, helps break down any sense of secrecy or persistent insecurity in the relationship.
- Recognize your own responsibility.Together, look closely at the breakdown of your relationship. Talk about the relationship issues prior to the infidelity. Try to see how you both contributed to your disconnect. Put the betrayal in context with the help of a therapist.
- Correct your communication.Look at your communication as a whole. Work with a couples counselor to learn how to share and conflict compassionately and respectfully. Find ways to quell and deal with resentment and build deeper connection and more goodwill.
- Forgive and move forward.Eventually, life goes on. Do not allow your future to be defined by infidelity perpetually. Take time to learn the lessons of what you’ve been through. Then spend your future rediscovering each other.
Recovery will blossom as you engage each other. Learn to be vulnerable again and rebuild trust. Let go of the past and appreciate your second opportunity and strengthened love.
Discover each other again. Engage in and reward vulnerability. Be present and mindful. Be honest and develop your friendship. Let trust build slowly and openly appreciate each other’s efforts.
Live and love well. Protect your hard won relationship. Immediately address anything or anyone that would drive a wedge between you. Share your struggles. Surround your marriage or partnership with love and support.
Infidelity rocked your world like an earthquake.
But you’re still here.
Now, you can rebuild with stronger stuff: commitment, effort, compassion, forgiveness, and true unity are the materials for your new relationship structure.
You’ll have to put in the time. But there’s no better project to devote yourselves to.
Your relationship will require a better blueprint, a relationship builder to help you realize your vision together, and the positive reinforcement of those who want to see you fully recovered.
You can do this. You can fill and seal the cracks of infidelity between you.
With help and commitment you can heal your connection and restore your love.
by CounselingWise on May 9, 2016