Do you feel as though you don’t get understood as well as you would like?
Are you tired of on-going arguing and disagreements?
Do you sometimes find yourself asking yourself, “is it me or is it them-how come I don’t seem to get heard”?
Would you like to more clearly articulate what you are trying to say?
Do you find yourself avoiding conflict because you don’t know how to make things better and then noticing that avoidance just seems to add to a “pile up” of issues?
If you are having problems communicating, you may be feeling frustrated and annoyed, bothered because you feel misunderstood and at a loss how to make yourself heard. Perhaps you find this to be an on-going pattern in some of your relationships-especially those closest to you. Perhaps you’ve had a similar conversation over and over and still you don’t seem to get your point across. Does it seem as if others are trying to convince you rather than listening to what you have to say? Are there times when you want a dialogue and all you seem to be getting is a monologue? Have you given up hope about being heard when you are in a heated discussion with your partner? Does it sometimes seem like having a conversation with your partner is about winning rather than connecting and being understood?
Lots of people struggle with communication issues.
One of the main reasons people site for coming to couples counseling is communication. With our busy lifestyles and our attention being pulled in so many different directions it is sometimes difficult to slow down and hear each other; to take in what is meaningful to the person you are talking to and experience them understand what is meaningful to you.
It can feel so satisfying and connecting when we are having a conversation in which we feel really understood and heard. In those moments we often feel supported and cared for. When we put in the effort to really listen, it can make a big difference in how we interact to those closest to us. Have you ever slowed down during an argument and really listened to what the other person was saying, and discover you hadn’t really been listening, rather assuming what you thought they were saying? Or perhaps you were more intent on winning the argument than actually caring about what was meaningful to the other person. Times like these can often feel very unsatisfying and disconnecting for the people we are talking to. With so many assumptions and reactions happening, it is sometimes hard to imagine that any of us can get along at all.
You can get help with your communication skills and be more effective in hearing and being heard by others.
At Rachel McDavid & Associates we are skilled at listening and helping others learn tools and techniques for more effective conversations. We can help you learn more about what it is you want to communicate in order to articulate more clearly, and better listen and understand what others may be communicating.
Sometimes we need help to get back on track. We might want to slow down and learn skills in communication so we can be more effective in being heard and understood as well as learning to listen more closely to what is important to others. These are skills that can be learned and can transform your relationships.
At Rachel McDavid & Associates we can support you in having those difficult conversations you do not seem to be able to have on your own. We can help each of you slow down and assist you in getting to the heart of what is important and what you would really like each other to know-what really matters. We can also offer tools and teachings to help you learn to do these practices on your own. By learning what your needs are and the needs of others you can learn how to hear and be heard as well have more compassion for what might be going on for yourself or the other. Don’t you owe to yourself and your loved ones to have more compassionate communication?
Won’t this open a can of worms-maybe I’m just better off with things the way they are?
Of course it is always a choice to continue on the way things are. However, I imagine if you are reading this it’s because some part of you is unsatisfied and looking for another possibility or solution. What if things could get better and you could have easier and more meaningful conversations? Conversations in which you felt considered and cared for even if the other didn’t necessarily agree? Wouldn’t you want to know how to do that?
What if I find out I don’t really want to have meaningful and connecting conversations-I just want to move on (from your job, partner etc.)?
Sometimes the outcome could mean we decide to move on, and that can sometimes be scary and painful, however is it anymore painful than continually feeling as if you aren’t appreciated, seen and considered for who you are and what you have to offer? One can be an abrupt and scary consequence that can change things in you life dramatically in a fairly short period of time, while the other can go on for years and years because we feel stuck in situations we feel immobilized to change and which saps our life energy.
What if I would like to have better communication skills but my partner, co-worker or boss isn’t interested?
You can learn effective communication skills on your own and have more satisfying conversations without the people you are having conflict with being present. We can teach strategies that can be role-played or you can practice internally to see yourself make different choices than you might have made in the past. We can also get to the core of what may be going on for you that may be getting in the way of your ability to have more effective conversations and then implement ways to change it.
Don’t you owe it to yourself and your relationship to do the best you can to communicate and understand what is meaningful to each of you and to remember the love and connection that brought you together? Contact us at 212-500-0856 or email Rachel at firstname.lastname@example.org and set up an appointment.